4 Steps to Transformational Self-Love, Acceptance and Change

We’re all guilty. We criticize our bodies, our lives, we focus on what we’re lacking instead of what we have. We’re hard on ourselves. And it seems we’re naturally wired this way.

Our limiting beliefs and self-doubt have the ability to wreck our dreams, sabotage our goals, and lead us away from being and living as our best selves. If we’re constantly focused on the negative, how can we possibly achieve the positive? To live as our highest selves, we have to acknowledge — and listen — to our self-talk, and consciously guide the voices in our head to decipher what is true, and what’s not, and to believe past what we tell ourselves.

One of the main reasons we criticize ourselves is because we know we have the power to change whatever it is that we believe we’re lacking.

In Control vs. Out of Control

Let’s think about it. We wouldn’t be so hard on ourselves if we knew whatever we’re hung up on was completely out of our control. For example, we’re more likely to complain about the dimples on our thighs vs. our the color of our eyes, because we’re theoretically in control of how fit our bodies are, but not necessarily the color of our eyes (or hair, or skin...).

Negative self-talk is another way we admit to ourselves that we think we’re falling short. Deep down, when we know we have the power — the ability — to change things that we’re not changing, and that we’re not acting in accordance with who we strive to be, we know we’re letting ourselves down.

So to take a deep dive into better understanding the words we tell ourselves — and separating what we have control over vs. what we don’t — is the first step to understanding what we believe to be true, and harnessing the strength to change things, if we wish to do so. Here are four steps to move toward positive and transformational self-love and acceptance.

1. Find and embrace those parts of you that you love.

To banish the negative self talk and move toward where you want to be, you have to acknowledge, embrace and even celebrate the parts of you that you love. Maybe you have Michelle Obama arms that you’ve worked hard for, pretty skin from your momma (or daddy) or a strong core. Accept the things you like, find gratitude and know these things are enough. Challenge yourself to make a top-10 list of things you love about your body and what they’ve done for you.

2. Acknowledge your imperfections for what they’re worth.

We’re all imperfect; God made us this way in his own image. So whether you’ve given birth, had injuries set you back, or have an illness or disability, know your body is resilient and an amazing vessel that carries you through life. Every “imperfection” you identify with is a part of your unique story and what makes you, you. Whether you have stretch marks, dimples on your butt, wish your legs were stronger, that your hips weren’t quite so wide, or that when you bend over, you didn’t have rolls (which, by the way, we all do), acknowledge your imperfections. Maybe your legs aren’t as strong because you have a bad knee, your hips are wide because your momma blessed you with her body type, and you have rolls, well, because we all do.

Look at your imperfections through a different lens so you can accept them for what they are — simply another part of what makes you uniquely you.

3. Don’t compare or judge.

With the comparison trap stronger than it’s ever been, it’s hard to not want to compare yourself to others — especially with all the “perfection” we see in the media (I’m looking at you, Instagram). We’ve heard it before, but it warrants repeating: Unfollow and don't consume media that makes you feel bad about yourself. I’ve unfollowed plenty of accounts for this very reason.

We’re all on our unique journey, and we all have our own story that has brought us to where we’re at today. Admire the beauty of others and the beauty in yourself. And please, above all, don't judge other women’s bodies. This is detrimental to us all.

4. Take action and focus on what you can change.

While we may not love every part of our bodies, we can take action to course-correct and change our bodies — and thus change the way we feel about ourselves. If you struggle with your body shape, maybe you need to take better care of what you put into it. If you hate that you never have energy, maybe you need to start working out regularly.

Trust me, I’m all for the body-positivity movement and accepting our bodies as they are today. We should all — regardless of where we’re at — love and accept ourselves. Self-love and acceptance is the foundation to living our best lives and achieving our dreams.

It’s important to set positive, health-focused goals and to know that whether we like to admit it or not, we have the power to transform and change how we see ourselves. If you want something different, you have to be different and take action to get you where you want to be.

We Are All Capable and in Control

We all want to be seen, to be loved, accepted. And this starts at home. Take a good look at how you think about yourself and in what ways you can practice self-love and care that will not only change the way you think about your body, but what you’re capable of doing and who you’re capable of being.

Say it out loud:

• I am enough.

• I am in control.

• I am strong and capable.

• I love and respect my body.

• I will not compare myself to artificial standards of beauty.

• I am more than my body.

• I — and my story — am completely unique.

• Guilt is a waste of time, but taking action is not.

• I love myself and will show this through the way I treat myself and others.

• I am beautiful, and I see beauty in others — regardless of where we’re at on our journey.